Oh god

I made a little salad for dinner with what we had around, which was lettuce, carrots, sesame seeds and tasty dressing. After I made and ate my salad I picked up the bag of sunflower seeds to put them away. The first thing I noticed was what seemed to be a string attaching one of the seeds to the opening of the bag; I realized it was some kind of cobweb, and thought maybe we ought to wipe out the shelf in the pantry. But then I looked closer, and saw how some of the seeds seemed to be kind of in clusters, and there was definitely a cobweb thing on the inside of the bag, and OH SOMETHING IS FLUTTERING ITS WINGS INSIDE THE BAG FLYING LIVE BUG and the bag flung out of my hand onto the counter as I suddenly found myself located on the far side of the next room. When I finished shuddering in horror I screwed up my courage to just pick up the bag and throw it in the garbage can, and went back into the kitchen with determination only to WHITE CRAWLING THING WHITE CRAWLING WORM MAGGOT ON THE COUNTER NEXT TO THE BAG and this time my convulsions of disgust nearly sent me running for the toilet as I wondered what I had haphazardly poured on top of my salad.

I don't know why my bug phobia always seems like good blog fodder. Why do I make these pathetic confessions to you people?

My limp and my eye are magically better. I don't think it was a sty, Betsy, because it was not on the edge of my eyelid where stys are, but the whole soft darker undereye area that was puffed up. I decided it had to be something in that eyeshadow I wore. Probably eyeshadow sparkle maggots.

Last night was a doozy of a Tuesday that got rolling with a big party in the office, thanks to two off-duty coworkers who just came by for the good times, and one Ben ChandIer who also came to hang out and share our Budweisers. I don't know if I had ever had Budweiser before we went to Wrigley a few weeks ago. The beer I had there that followed some perfect ballpark peanuts was totally delicious. Budweiser is pretty satisfying for a shitty beer. But here's a warning: Do not follow your bottles of Budweiser with bottles of Miller. I think the competing companies put something in there to make them fight each other in your stomach. Miller beers are $1 at The Store on Tuesdays, and Budweiser was there for the sharin' at the desk, so really I had no choice, but the forgotten number of bottles consumed gave me a fuzzy headed hangover that lasted all throughout this beautiful day. I just kept eating stuff. It was one of those.

Fall is here, all of a sudden, and the thing about Fall is that it is the best.